Monday, September 14, 2009

Cold Pizza: An American Hero

I know some people (assholes) won't be with me on this, but cold pizza is the fucking shit. This is my tribute to the unsung hero of the pizza world, cold pizza.

Oh cold pizza how I love you so. You have been with me through thick and thin, in drunkenness, stonededness, severe hunger, and absolute love. I know you are cold and not hot as pizza should traditionally be, and some flavor is gone but god damn you taste delicious. Cold pizza is it's own entity, it has no droop at all and is firm, but makes my dick hard just the same.

There have been countless times when I have woke up in the morning and thought about lame breakfast foods that bore the ever loving hell out of me and how pissed off cereal, eggs, and pancakes make me feel. I don't have to eat you. Breakfast forces us to not eat delicious things like pizza, veal, double bacon cheeseburgers, beer battered onion rings, and osso bucco at seven in the morning. SO when I open my fridge after a long night of the z's and see a beautiful box with a few remaining slices of pizza left over in it I thank the lord for cold pizza and tear into that shit like it's Halle Berry's vagina, cause I've done that before.

The same goes for a night out on the town going to disco techs and all the hip cool spots, coming home stoned (fuck you I ain't no saint) and in all my retarded glory stumbling through the kitchen, grabbing some pizza, and shoving it down my throat. I don't have time to heat that shit up especially when I have no concept of "time", and it satisfies me in only a way cold pizza could.

Fuck, sometimes I will purposefully leave pizza in the fridge just so it gets cold that's how much I love it. Try it sometime and you'll see. You will have yourself thinking how that really attractive GuateJew with beautiful hair and a tight, supple ass was right about just how delicious cold pizza is.

However, there are some cases when cold pizza is never acceptable

1. It's from Numero Uno

2. It's from Pizza Hut

3. It's Deep Dish or you live in Chicago, because people from Chicago wouldn't know good taste if it jumped in their mouths and shat tiny New York style pizzas all over their tongues

I love you cold pizza, and I know you love me too.

1 comment:

  1. Yeeeeeaaaaasssssss I am with you all the way down Pizza Lovers Lane. PS thanks for the dough tip. I'm doin her tonight.