THE GREATEST SONG OF ALL TIME EVER IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHINGS. EVER.

Are you fucking kidding me? How has this not won MULTIPLE Grammys? This shit should even sweep the motherfucking Country Music Awards. So what if it's not country? Trance/house/disco music about pizza should be the only thing people ever listen to, nay, the only thing people should be ALLOWED to listen to. Not only is the music flawless in its composition and structure, but the lyrics are some shit that would make Robert Frost shed a tear:

"We like pizza in the morning
We like pizza everyday
We like pizza in the evening
We like pizza any way!"

Gold. Fucking Gold.

Can it get any better? You bet your sweet ass it can, because apparently this is a radio version which means the original of the song must be raunchy as all hell.

"We like motherfucking pizza in the motherfucking morning, we like pizza every motherfucking day."

Oh kids these days, with their songs about pizza, dance dance revolution, and sodomy. My how things have changed since 96'.

HALLE BERRY IS SINGLE.

Last night I went to bed after eating half a delicious cold pizza and I wake up to this:

HALLE BERRY IS SINGLE.

I'm sure my girlfriend wouldn't mind a third person moving in, cause mulatta movie stars love guys who have their own pizza blog and suffer from extreme night terrors in which they DO NOT wet the bed and you need to always have new fucking sheets handy.

PIZZA WEEKEND

ALL I ATE OVER THE WEEKEND WAS PIZZA. Duh. Like there's ANY other type of food worth eating on the planet. Maybe babies. And fuck you if you say sushi. I know sushi is GOOD, but pizza is better...way better, Like getting to bang Halle Berry instead of Stacy Dash.

I AM A RUSSIAN SPY.

seriously.

I'M BACK MOTHERFUCKER (On the Reals)

Yea yea yea....it's been months. I know it's hard to go through your daily life without my erotic verbal pizza styling but shit's been hectic, and if you don't like it you can do one of two things:

1) Go fuck yourself.

2) Start your own god damn pizza blog (which I know you wont do cause you suck).

But in all seriousness I've been away for a little while, jet-setting off to the holy mecca of pizza, New York, and then to Israel for a couple weeks. AND YES I ate a shit ton of pizza, took pictures, and will be posting it in its entirety on the blog....just after I get over the jet lag and hooker-induced rashes I acquired in Israel. Words of advice: Never stay in a "hotel" that rents by the hour to prostitutes.

So just hold tight, grab your loved one, order some pizza, and fuck on the empty box. Then you can check the blog again.

Till then bitches.