Tonight might have arguably been one of the best in my life.
Yes, that might seem like a stretch, but keep in mind the best night of my life was when I found $20 dollars on the street and got a reach around from an Ecuadorian farm girl.
No, tonight was about pizza, beer, and Dodgers.
My friend Asher and I planned a day around eating pizza. The plan was to go to 3 or 4 by the slice places and compare slices of cheese pizza. Sweet. If there's one thing I like it's eating pizza and this was right up my alley. So we venture off to the first destination: Garage Pizza in Silverlake.
Recommended highly by my boy, I was fucking stoked. We walk in and there was maybe the most breathtaking pizza girl behind the counter, I was in love. I was on a mission though so romance needed to take a backseat to my quest for great Za. We ordered our slices, two cheese, and sat down at a table.
This place is waaaaay cool. Think Chili's, but not with lame ass shit on the walls and open for your eating pleasures till 3am. We crack open our Tecate's (oh yea you can bring your own beer to this place) and talk about how god damn hungry we are, amongst other things. We see BPG (breathtaking pizza girl) bringing out our slices and I kinda have to comment on how hot this girl actually was.
Bro, this girl was like, so hot. Seriously dude, I'm not even joking.
I had to. So we get our pizza and after receiving the typical "this is hot so you might want to wait" line, we look. Just
look. Sweet lord it looked good, like a greasy hot girl. It was pretty hot so we did wait but I couldn't wait more than a minute so I take a bite.
Awesome. I hadn't eaten all day so it was uber satisfying. Really thin and the sauce almost tasted like Spaghettio's but worked well. Good droop ratio. Don't worry one day I will make a graph or pie chart or whatever the hell it is and break down all these pizza terms and trends. More crispy than I like but I couldn't complain it was pretty damn good, definitely recommended. BPG comes by to take our plates, we finish up our beer, and are on our way. BPG if you're out there....I love you, okay?
After that it was kinda a bitch. The pizza place we wanted to goto was closed for some reason, and we sat in traffic a lot. Whatever, we had each other and the memories of Garage, so we soldier on. We finally decide to go to a place that you have to order a FULL pizza but whatever, we were both really hungry. We head over to pizza destination number two: Casa Bianca in Eagle Rock.
Casa Bianca is an institution of Los Angeles pizza. Some people swear by this place and I wouldn't have been surprised if it was the cure for cancer or something. Usually there's a big ass line at night for it but we got there real early so we got a table pretty fast. A cool thing about this place is that they make their own sausage, so we were compelled to get pizza that had some sausage on it. We order our pie and wait, checking out the place itself.
Rad little place with the checkered red and white tablecloths, Italian lore on the walls, and a very standard menu. Fuck the menu though we were there for pizza. Our pie comes out and looks amazing...deep red marinara sauce explodes through the cheese and giant chunks of sausage grace half the surface. If there was any pizza I wish I could have inhaled it was this - it looked the way pizza does in my dreams. We dig in.
Yes.
The cheese side was good, but it was the sausage side that made it. I've never had a better sausage on a pizza it was that intense. The flavors were all there and the home made sausage sealed the deal. If you don't get to go to this place once in your lifetime, I really feel bad for you. I mean you can't really call your life a "life". Sad. Sad you.
We take it down, nothing was left. Like mighty gods we kill it. Two establishments with pizza and beer...yea my life totally sucks.
We pay and leave, full but not defeated. I'm still hungry. Hell, I'm still STARVING but notice it's getting close to game time, Dodger game time. We leave the Rock and head back over to the valley to watch some of the great American pastime, eat more pizza, and drink more beer. We get back to Asher's and start watching the game, ordering pizza halfway through. We decide on this place that just opened up around the corner from his house, Napoli's Pizza.
This just got nuts. It was myself, Asher, and two other people. One of them was Ashers father, the other one's name I completely forget. Oh well, she's not important. We order two
large pizzas and wait our 20 minutes.
We pick it up and head back to the pad. It smells awesome. Unfortunately the Dodgers were down so I was getting a little bummed. The pizza itself was great, giant slices and a really good sauce. The innings pass and they missed opportunities, but we were all optimistic. This was a great day, it wasn't gonna end with our boys blowing it.
CRACK. 3 run home run in the bottom of the ninth inning to
win the game.
That's it. Done. I'm full off pizza, beer, and pure glee. We set out and followed through with our mission, although it did change just a little. I have never had pizza from three different places before but I highly recommend it. Try it, what have you got to lose? That's what I thought, jackass.
My line: 3 pizza places, over 13 pieces of pizza, 8 beers and one walk off bomb. What a good day.
Edit: The girl I forgot about is Anna Weiner. Here's a picture of her eating pizza.
Edit 2: Yea I fell off the wagon that day drinking but whatever, AA can suck my balls.
The lack of posting does NOT mean I haven't been eating pizza on the regular, quite the contrary, just busy and what not (boning Halle Berry).
I'm going to preface this post with this: Costco pizza is NOT that good. It's pretty shitty actually - the cheese is really salty and chewy, the dough is not up to par, and it usually sits out under heat lamps forever before they serve it to you by the slice. But you know what? Who gives a fuck.
Bitch.
I made an impromptu appearance on Radio Hotbodies this week and lyrically was NOT in the zone. Didn't have my A game, mostly because I missed the pro wrestlers interview segments and was pretty bummed. I looked up to the dude with the fangs (GANGREL MOTHERFUCKER) so much when I was a kid. Alright I was in highschool, whatever, but I wanted to be a vampire like crazy. Not like one of those gay sparkle no-sex-having queers from that Twilight bullshit though. Fucking Mormons.
Throwing a baseball around for twenty minutes can really make a man, or men, hungry. Ameci's Pizza- Two slices of cheese and a drink for mere dollars. Thanks for buying me lunch Krieger, you glorious motherfucker.
Last night while out and about in Downtown L.A. for art walk, my dear friend David Romo (above) came up to me with a cold piece of pizza and stuck it in my mouth. It was good but I was hoping the entire piece was for me, and not just some cock-tease bite. Fucking asshole.
Some people have it real bad, sitting behind a desk mindlessly typing up some retarded ass spreadsheet, doing hard physical labor out in the unforgiving elements, or riding that pole to make a buck (you know who you are). Me, I get to cook delicious food for (white) people. My office is la cocina, a land full of mystery and Mexicans.
So my buddy Darren just came back from New York (that place that smells like rat feces) and gave me an in depth review about Lombardi's, which is arguably the first pizza joint in these United States. And for all the illiterates out there, he gave me pictures too, so enjoy. Although I have no idea how an illiterate would have been able to type in this URL or whatever. Shut up.
The pizza came out beautiful and steaming, I think I was so excited I peed a little. The first thing I noticed was the severe lack of cheese on my “cheese pizza”. I didn’t let that bias me. I took the first bite and it hit me like a little flavor terrorist blew up in my mouth. It was the freshest slice I ever had…the sauce, the dough, the basil, the cheese you could taste them all individually. I wish there was more cheese but I would probably end up in the East River if I criticized them. The white side wasn’t as inspiring and actually had too much cheese. It had all the cheeses of the regular pizza plus ricotta and garlic olive oil with no sauce. Then the genius that I am…I flipped one slice on top of the other and achieved HARMONY!
Keep fuckin' that chicken, brah.
Pizza + Bagels = Win. God bless the 24 hour Western Bagel.
So I got this friend right that lives next to this pizza place yea and like tells me how I should go there right cause it's got like Dodgers shit everywhere okay and it's called "New York slice or something." Cool?
I know some people (assholes) won't be with me on this, but cold pizza is the fucking shit. This is my tribute to the unsung hero of the pizza world, cold pizza.
I love you. Really. You're my best friend and way hotter than any real woman. Suck it, society.
Sweet lord this picture is nauseating. Seriously? Pizza burrito? How dare you try to steal the soul of pizza and wrap it in a tortilla you fucking BITCH. If I ever find this "Tina" I'm going to stab her in the vagina and douse her with hot sauce while eating a real pizza. It's not that I don't like burritos, but this one looks like spicy diarrhea with a flour tortilla encasing. This almost makes me not want to eat pizza today...almost.
Today, September fifth, is the greatest day in American - nay - the WORLDS history. It's motherfucking National Cheese Pizza Day! Fuck Independence Day, Memorial Day, Mother's Day, Arbor Day, Boxing Day, and all the others days that blow donkey wang compared to today. I know what I will be doing today - stuffing as many slices down my throat as humanly possible and then when I vomit it all up I order another pizza.
Went to Mulberry St Pizza with my good friend Jayu cause I needed to remember my pizza loving roots. I fucking love MSP, it's always good whenever I go in. It's like that girl you've known forever and when you need a good night of familiar sex you can call her up and she's good to go. Ahhhhh consistency.
You're damn fuckin' right
Someone saw this picture and told me it was "too much cilantro" and I told them it wasn't fucking enough. I don't think anything has ever been sullied by having "too much cilantro" on or in it. That's like saying "There's this really hot girl who has the most perfect body, but it's just too much sex for me to handle." Really? What are you gay? Whatever, I'm just a dude who loves pizza.
Was on Radio Hotbodies again this week (with Jamie Thompson of ISLANDS/The Small is Beautiful) to verbally go down on pizza for another glorious thirty seconds. This week: Pizza v. Sex - Why Pizza is Better. Seriously I can make women fall to their knees and weep with my pizza-laden vocabulary and brooding sexual prowess.
Although I made an appeal for reform and common decency, there are still some bitches that love Chicago style deep-dish pizza like pedophiles love ten year old boys. Disgusting, right? Well this bitch right here (who is a dear friend of mine, but I'm strongly considering otherwise) is one of them and I wouldn't be surprised if her hard drive was full of the no-no shit too, cause she REALLY likes eating pizza on steroids. Look at that abomination on their plates, really, it looks like someone threw up all over five pounds of dough. They even look happy eating this shit so you know something is severely wrong with both of them - some kind of mental disease, delusions, or maybe these are the kind of people that think SPAM is an acceptable substitute for lunch meats.
"The day you stop eating pizza, all humanity will come to an end."
Just came back from Ameci's Pizza with my lovely Aryan-Nation half Jew friend Krieger who puts more crushed red pepper on his pizza than anyone else I know. Ameci's is a chain and I really don't give a shit about chain pizza, but the Ameci's by our house does pizza good so whatever I ate it and was thoroughly satisfied. No need to get into specifics about the pizza cause it's solid, good droop decent flavor, etc, but the dude who works there is a zombie and he kicks ass. Thanks for the extra lemonade you beautiful undead motherfucker.
Working at an Italian restaurant has it's perks. I would eat pizza around 3-4 times a week before I started at La Finestra, and now I eat it ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I don't give a fuck if I get to be 300 pounds, cause it would all be pizza weight and I'm totally fine with that. Last night we were extremely busy in the kitchen and as soon as the rush stopped, the head chef and I decided to make a delicious pizza, that exact one pictured above. It was such a sweet victory for two reasons:
I knew this one was bound to happen when I saw a Simpsons episode back in 1993 where Homer has an in-car oven and he's buttering up a muffin while driving. Genius idea I thought, but what the fuck did I know, I was like eight years old. So now we have this: The In-Car Pizza Oven. BRILLIANT.
The best smelling fatal car crash EVER.
Three weeks in a row, three segments on Radio Hotbodies, one hundred percent hot pizza action. Now those are some numbers you can soak your panties over but if you're not down with mathematical foreplay I got fingers too, cause I'm good like that. Total package right here ladies, line forms to the left of the discarded pizza boxes and condom wrappers.
Pizza. Dinosaurs.
Was on the DIM MAK approved Radio Hotbodies this week to, surprise surprise, talk about pizza again. Hey, I don't mind because pizza is delicious and I could talk about that shit until the apocalypse reigns down on earth, in which God will smite everyone who still thinks Numero Uno is decent pizza. Then me and G-Money would high five, ride away on our white horses, share a thin crust pizza with his son Jesus and talk about how much we love hot babes.
My buddy Mickey Slick sent me this picture of him mouth-banging some hot little slut out in public. The euphoria on his face is intense but I can't stop looking at that whore in his right hand, I wanna break a piece off of that shit like none other. My pants just got tighter.
Miss July, patriotic color scheme and all
Ravenelli's Pizza, Where you could possibly see your own reflection in the grease.
Went out to my good friend Joshua Matthew Boyd's weekly radio show on Tuesday night for the one year anniversary of Radio Hotbodies. Now, if you are curious as to what that is you're at the wrong place buddy, cause this shit ain't about Internet podcast radio shows that showcase awesome music, do interviews with artists, give out free porn, play live music, travel into the past, peddle-sage like advice in three seconds, exploit the elderly, drink, fuck people up, and promote good times.
My dear friend ASP, who looks nothing like a vampire.
New york style for sure, not too thin and physically looks beautiful. This is how pizza in cartoons looks, almost too good. Pick it up and it's got the perfect droop, not hard but not soft. I'm pretty excited to eat it and I take a bite. It's great, a quality pie for sure, and I'm satisfied to say the least. Cheese, sauce, and dough are all close to on point with the right grease factor. I eat it pretty quickly so I go back for more and eat that one with ease as well. The Coop did it justice, golf claps all around.
Tonight might have arguably been one of the best in my life.
Awesome. I hadn't eaten all day so it was uber satisfying. Really thin and the sauce almost tasted like Spaghettio's but worked well. Good droop ratio. Don't worry one day I will make a graph or pie chart or whatever the hell it is and break down all these pizza terms and trends. More crispy than I like but I couldn't complain it was pretty damn good, definitely recommended. BPG comes by to take our plates, we finish up our beer, and are on our way. BPG if you're out there....I love you, okay?
We pick it up and head back to the pad. It smells awesome. Unfortunately the Dodgers were down so I was getting a little bummed. The pizza itself was great, giant slices and a really good sauce. The innings pass and they missed opportunities, but we were all optimistic. This was a great day, it wasn't gonna end with our boys blowing it.
